The Resort (2021)

Last Watch Date - August 21, 2023
Total Times Watched - ONE TOO MANY (1)


I don't know exactly what I was thinking when I started this up. I guess it was the 75 minute runtime that had me interested the most. Picture me sitting in my dungeon on the couch looking for a b-movie to watch and seeing this pop up. Hmm, cool poster. The synopsis sounds stupid. Sure, why not. That's all I knew about the movie. Had I looked at any reviews of it beforehand, I would've saved myself a lot of time.

Speaking of time: this movie is 75 minutes and approximately 65 of that is basically pointless. Barely anything happens in this movie, and when things do start to happen, it all falls into place too predictably. Much of it is spent with these four friends - or is it two couples? - walking around. Their relationships are unclear. It seems at times that they're all mutual friends, though at others it seems like they may be two couples. None of this is defined. Maybe it doesn't matter too much, but if you spend 60 of your 75 minutes attempting some sort of "character development," you might want to try developing the characters.

The acting was pretty meh. Nothing too out of the ordinarily good or bad. At worst, I'd say there was some wooden acting (particularly by the big guy). The script seemed fine and mirrored how I've heard real people talking. Mind you, these are not people I would ever hang out with, but I work with a lot of people. Even with a relatively realistic sounding script, the story itself couldn't do anything with it. 

I don't want to spoil anything in this movie for you in case you're really bored, but I'll give you some things that annoyed me:

  • The lead woman didn't want to go "off-path" and waste time early on, but is happy to not only hang around too long, but make some really stupid horror movie decisions that lead to .. well.. you know.
  • There were far too many "stare into danger and do nothing" moments that seemed completely out of character, especially when these people were just running around screaming. 
  • The back-and-forth of the story-telling was jarring and didn't help the tone at all. I know what they were trying to do with it (RED HERRING), but it didn't work.
  • There was far too much expected stuff going on. The people are attacked in the exact order you'd expect. The ending is too obvious. There's basically nothing NEW in this movie. At all.

I wish there were more low-budget horror movies coming out that had some noise. This is definitely not one. After watching it, I looked it up and saw that it was bankrolled by some sort of musician. I don't know anything about him, but I bet he's upset that he blew that money on this.



2 Coyotes out of 10