Mini Review

Siberia (2018)

Last Watch Date - April 29, 2023
Total Times Watched - Once


I've been playing a bit of C&C Red Alert lately, which means I have to watch something relating to Russia. Listen, this is just how it goes. I even took the time to look up some "top movies set in or about Russia" to discover this movie.

When you see a movie stars Keanu Reeves, you know it's going to be good. At a minimum it'll be entertaining. This one doesn't quite hit that mark. I doubt you'll recognize anyone else in this movie, but the acting was pretty good. The accents were questionable in quite a few places, and I can only imagine the Russian itself is not good.

I don't know the background of this story, but if the script reflects the story it's based on, it must be terrible. There was a lot of potential for this to be a proper thriller with some real edge and pulse raising action, but for whatever reason, the focus was skewed more toward a .. romance? If you can call an affair with a woman who knows you have a wife but doesn't care romance. And that wants you to bang her like she's your wife. And call her your wife's name. And then cries after? The more I think about it, the more this is the absolute best romance I've ever seen. Back to the script. It's a .. uhh. Hmm. How do I phrase this? Oh, right, it's a bag of shit. The conversation feels so unnatural you'll think you're watching one of those weird AI generated scripts being performed by incredibly confused actors. At least you get to hear about a guy compare his penis to a Porsche with leather interior.

I was hoping to see more of Russia. They did film there, but you see so little of it. You do get to see a few bedrooms if that's what you're into. The scenes around Mirny looked pretty nice in terms of nature, but for all I know, this was actually filmed in literally anywhere chilly in the US. The sets looked pretty good. I have nothing else to say about this.

Maybe I went into this expecting something too close to John Wick, but I was sold a thriller and there were no thrills to be found here. The ending sequence seems like it's going to have some interesting stuff going on but it doesn't deliver. It's Stephen King novel levels of poor ending and oh-so abrupt that it makes you wonder how they settled on this. Maybe it mirrors the source material, but when you see this on the edit, you have to make the choice to flesh it out a bit more don't you?!



4 Affairs out of 10