The NFL is SO over. It’s time to move on to the real event of the year: spring football via the USFL (part deux)! Sure, these teams existed once in the past before, but now they’re back 30 years later with new coaches and a new twist on their logos and uniforms. Plus they all have new coaches. If we’re going to figure out which team(s) to root for, we have to rank them somehow!
Power rank will be calculated by totaling the team’s points for each category. There are eight teams, but we’re ranking these on a scale of 1-10. The highest score means that’s the team to root for! The categories are as follows:
Coach – Most points for the best coach or most potential coming in. Who knows how these teams will play, but we can at least give them some points for a known commodity.
Name – How cool is the name? Probably not very cool.
Colors – It’s important to pick a team that you can wear their gear without looking like a fool. Some uniforms can look great on the field, but if you’re wearing that stuff outside of the event, you look like some sort of Harlequin.
Uniforms – How does it all come together on the field? I mean, aside from their play. This is about LOOKS. We’re superficial here.
Retro-future – How well did you handle an old brand and bring it into the new era?
Coach – Bart Andrus
It’s a name most people probably haven’t seen before, but he does have experience in NFL Europe and some other developmental leagues, as well as the CFL. The problem is that he doesn’t really win in any of them. Sure, he won a World Bowl in NFL Europe once, but that was a 2-team playoff and he got in at 6-4. He lost the following year with a 7-3 record. Those are the two shining stars on his resume.
Score – 3
Name – Stars
This name has to be one of the cheesiest names of all. It feels like a name you’d see in a kids movie.
Score – 1
Colors – Crimson, Orange, and Yellow
Unless you’re a Calgary Flames fan, it’s going to be tough to sell red-orange-yellow gear to most people. Maybe some Chiefs fans who are big on the ketchup-and-mustard combo they wear will be into this. But I’m NOT one of those people.
Score – 2
The Stars don’t have much to work with when it comes to colors, but wow did they go a terrible direction. The original stars had a gold helmet (not “gold”, but .. gold) and their pants were more of a .. golden mustard than this bright yellow. I hate side panels on jerseys, they look dated. The numbers are fine. What’s with the french fry lines on the ketchup stripes? Ugh.
Score – 1
If you replace gold with the yellow, they’re not THAT far off. The updated logo is a huge improvement – it keeps some of that weird 70s/80s charm but drops the terrible text. This one is tough because I hate their uniforms. I think they were trying to avoid having too many teams that looked identical this go-round, but the choice of bright yellow was NOT a good one. Still, this looks pretty similar overall.
Score – 5
Total – 12 out of 50
Looks like we found out which team is the bottom of the barrel!